Not A Single Reason

Emily Beilschmidt leant silently against the doorframe, barely daring to breathe, and almost feeling it better if she didn't. It was a struggle to keep her breathing quiet and regular, but she understood why she needed to, trying to process what she was seeing. Emily's now red locks once again hung loosely about her shoulders, her eyes wide, but her face merely impassive. Thinking this could possibly be real was unbearable, but she was too frozen in her position momentarily to pinch herself.

Marlene was just a few feet away from Emily, oblivious to her appearance. She typed away on her computer, using a code not many knew. Emily had better not find out. She thought sourly. She didn't want to do this, but she had to. ''I don't have any other option. Keep it in mind, le Tallec.''

Emily stood there in silence a little more, but knew that she hated, she hated, what Marlene was doing. It could get her killed no matter who she was, intervening in something like this, but she knew what this was like. And so did Marlene, and that was what hurt. It didn't just hurt her, it disgusted her that Marlene would fall to this level. Thinking about it made her expression change as she revealed herself. "Hey, what the fuck do you think you're playing at?"

Marlene momentarily froze, hearing Emily Beilschmidt's voice. Ah, fuck. She shut her computer, and slowly turned around. "Emily, I need you to leave. And I need you to leave now." Marlene knew this would get herself in big trouble. If Emily found out what she was actually doing, they were both done for. If Emily thought Marlene'd actually blow up another experiment like theirs were, they were both also done for. So technically, it was a lose/lose situation.

"It doesn't matter now," Emily replied, obviously struggling to keep her voice calm as she spoke. "I've been here thirty minutes. I was here yesterday, and the day before. If you want to keep me out, at least guard the door." Placing her hand on her hip, she glared. "I know what this is, and I've known since you started it. Also, that is my computer." Emily knew why Marlene had taken the computer, but it didn't stop her being irritated.

"Emily, this isn't what you think it is." She spoke slowly. She stood up, feeling more alarmed than she look. "Why would I guard the door? You know you shouldn't walk in while I'm.. working. Even if I'm using your computer instead of mine." She glanced down at the computer, wondering how she hadn't noticed it wasn't her own computer.

"Well, I'm positively alarmed," Emily couldn't stay professional, and so she forced the fluctuations down so her voice was icy, and flat. Emily's expression dropped again as Emily fought off a frown, fought off tears. "I don't believe you, I really don't..." Her voice trailed off, it hurt because it represented the opposition to everything she fought for.

"Emily, this really isn't what it looks like." Marlene shifted her weight from one leg to another. She didn't dare meet Emily's gaze, knowing she'd probably spill everything if she did so.

Emily frowned thunderously. "You aren't looking at me," she says calmly, making sure she made eye contact. "Look at me and say the same."

Marlene tensed ever so slightly, looking back at her. "I said, this isn't what it looks like." Her voice was more quiet, knowing Emily would probably not believe her, even with the eye contact.

"If this isn't what it looks like, then what is it?" Emily challenged. "You know what it looks like, and you know what I think about this. I have spoken against this. You and I, we were against this. Emily frowned slightly sardonically. "Why the change?"

"I'm not taking the British twats' side. I wish I could tell you, but I can't. Trust me."

"You could you just choose not to. And can you blame me if I find it difficult to trust you right now?" She folds her arms. "I can look after myself, whatever it is." There's still so much I've never said, and I'm conscious of it now.

Marlene sighed and closed her eyes. "Em, I've tried. You just have to trust me on this one. Its not as if I wanted to do this, because I don't."

Emily shook her head. "I can't do that, not when you leave me out of the loop."

"I'm doing this because I don't want you to get hurt, Emily."

Emily's face changed entirely. "I just told you, I can look after myself! And I have looked after myself. So I don't need to be fucking babied and kept out of the circle."

That made her mad. "EMILY! This isn't a goddamn circle! You have no idea why I'm doing this, so don't you fucking try judging my actions without understanding my damn reasons."

Emily was practically snapping. "There are no reasons for this and you damn well know it."

"But I can't just stop! I would if I could, but I can't." She spoke, annoyance evident on her features. "I thought you knew me better, Emily. Even trying it would have consequences. And bad ones."

"I thought I did too." Emily's voice was flat, and blunt.

"Well apparently you don't. And that's not even the worst part." She laughed humorlessly, "You aren't even interested in hearing my reasons before judging." She shook her head in disbelief.

"That's because you won't tell me jack-shit! You want to keep your reasons to yourself, so you work when you think I'm gone so you could throw me away, like I didn't matter, like I never even existed in the face of your fucking ambition!" Emily is by now yelling, growing angry.

Like Emily, Marlene was by then, yelling as well. "What the actual fuck? I don't tell you anything because you wouldn't even believe half of the shit that's going on! All of this crap, all of it, is for you and I. For us! If I don't do this, not only will we die, but this experiment is going to be destroyed!" She hadn't even thought of what she was screaming until it was too late. She spilled the truth and there was no going back. Fuck.

"You could have just fucking told me!" Emily was left reeling. "But still! So many people who had no hand in this, Mar? Pre-emptive strikes are sadistic, cruel and frankly Machiavellian and I do not advocate this! If you had just sucked it up and told me - we wouldn't have had to get this fucking far!"

"What's done is done."

Emily sighed, picking up her laptop before Marlene could stop her and opening it, sitting on the arm of the sofa and frowning. Emily's eyes widen slightly. "...Germany? Another one?" she asks quietly. She's not angry, she's used her anger already. "You'd better start explaining what the hell is going on and what I've been missing, now."

"You seriously thought I'd end another experiment, Emily? Did you actually think I'd stoop that low?" She whispered, still not facing Emily.

"No matter what I might have thought five minutes ago, it is irrelevant now," she says, settling into professionalism. "I need an explanation," she says, already at work, "so you'd better start talking if we want to get out of all this." She's calm and serious in a way she's never been. "I've stared death in the face before, so I'll sure as hell do it again."

"All of this way a lie, a hoax. The German and French Experiment still stand, unknowing to the British. They just have no memories of the previous experiment they were in." She spoke quietly, turning around to face Emily. "Irrelevant? Seriously, Emily?"

"Okay, so my parents aren't dead, and neither are my siblings," She tried out the words carefully, "They are irrelevant merely because I was angry." Emily reads the document on screen with interest, frowning slightly, "Where did you get this?"

"I snuck into Dauntless, and later into Erudite. Everyone was out celebrating the marriage of Mansfield and her boy toy, so I was there for a while. I found a lot of shit."

Emily sighed. "It makes no fucking sense. Not one fucking bit of sense." Resting her head on the desk, she sighed. "My family is dead, I know and I saw. Are you sure this isn't some planted shit to make Kyarah happy?"

"I don't know, Em." She spoke quietly. "Maybe your family truly is gone. Maybe not. Maybe my family is alive. Maybe not. Better safe than sorry."

Emily paced quickly, unable to comprehend what was racing through her mind - hope, fear, dread, so many emotions coursing through her so quickly that her heart felt that it was going to burst free. She chewed on the inside of her cheek until it drew blood, so confused that she remained silent.