We've Got Holes

The road to power is paved with hypocrisy, and casualties. Never regret.

Emily wanders the headquarters, feeling lost again - lost in this place, that just wasn’t home. Fighting battles for a place that wasn’t home felt wrong, so wrong. Why was she doing this? With these supplies she could have gone to Berlin, and fixed everything for real. She moans at her own stupidity as she leans back in her chair. You’re an idiot, Emily Beilschmidt. An idiot.

Marlene was looking down at some papers as she walked through the headquarters. She would look unfocused, her mind not in place. She had lately been getting a weird feeling and she didn’t like it one bit. Hearing a moan, which mind you wasn’t of pleasure, she looked up from her papers. “Emily?”

Emily looks at Marlene, blinking a few moments before she even recognises her. “Oh...hey Marley,” she says, her voice uncharacteristically quiet as if she was off somewhere else, off the shore. It was clear she hadn’t slept in days, and she still hadn’t entirely recovered from what Kyarah did. She hadn’t really been Emily since, not in the same way. “What’s the matter? Something happen…?”

Noticing the mood, she frowned. “Nothing happened to me. Now you, you don’t look fine. Are you okay?” She walked up to her, concern written on her features. She put the papers back on her bag and sat next to her. It could wait. Emily, to her, was more important.

“Well, Marley, that depends on your definition of okay,” Emily answers, still very much distant and tired - why was she still here? She didn’t know, and daren’t ask the question aloud - was it treachery, was it deceit? Yes, she must keep this to herself. “I’m...just in another place,” she finishes, her eyes on the ceiling.

Marley looked down at her hands, feeling a bit awkward. She remained silent, unsure of what to say. After what had happened with Kyarah, she had been feeling a bit guilty. Emily had been so happy at the beginning, yet so desperate at the end. Marlene knew it was her own fault. She could have stopped it, not let it happen. She just wanted Emily back. The old and careless one.

Emily’s thoughts were wandering aimlessly through the memories, what really happened compared to that reality. Not even noticing herself shake, she remembered the folk band with the boots that made heavy thumps like drumbeats on the pavement. How she had ran after them, squealing with delight, with Friedrich on her shoulders, tugging at Lucia’s hand. Friedrich. Lucia. She’d go through that again, just to see them.

She laid her hand on Emily’s shoulder, noticing how she was shaking. “Em, calm down.” She whispered. “It’s not healthy for you to keep thinking of this..”

Her eyes were a mixture of hurt, reminiscence and anger. “Calm down?” she muttered, her voice filled with incredulity and her eyebrows raised. “Well, if you had to do that again, I suggest you try to calm down and tell me how that goes for you!” She’s up and heading out of the room before she even notices.

Marlene sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. She just wanted what was best for Emily. Since what had happened, Emily had been very distant. Always keeping everything to herself, barely speaking to Marlene, deep in thought.. To be honest, it hurt. A lot.

Emily was bitter, it was hard to admit it to herself. Picking up her rucksack she opts to go for a walk. Before she realises it, as she’s jogging, it sounds like the folk band, and she simultaneously feels shattered and free. She begins singing a song they used to sing, so significant - as if somebody knew what was coming.

“I know a man, with nothing in his hands, nothing but a rolling stone. He told me about when his house burned down and he lost everything he owned. He lay asleep for six whole weeks, they were gonna ask his mother to choose. And when he woke up with nothin’ he says, I’ll tell you somethin’ when you got nothin, you’ve got nothin’ to lose.”

Marlene stood up and slowly walked to her quarters. She was still thinking on Emmie. What the hell could she do to bring the old Emily back? Nothing was impossible. There had to be a way. If only Kyarah wasn’t a bitch..

“Now I’ve got a hole in my pocket, a hole in my shirt, a whole lot of trouble he said, and now the money’s gone, life carries on and I miss it like a hole in the head,” She sighs, merely because it’s true - she does.

Marlene looked down at her bag and pulled the papers out. She had been able to snatch some Erudite plans, as she knew they would eventually come in handy. Looking through them, she hoped something would help Emily. She understood almost nothing. Emily was the brains. “Dammit.”

Emily sighed again, sitting on the lower part of the fence and looking out at the landscape. “She said the wolf’s just a puppy and the door’s double locked, so what you gotta worry me for? He left a hole in my heart, a hole in a promise and a hole in the side of my bed. Well, now that he’s gone, well life carries on and I miss him like a hole in the head.”

Frustrated, she dropped everything. She should apologize to Emily soon before she did something stupid. Sighing, she opened the door and walked out. As she walked, she tried coming up with something, and even racking through her memories from Paris for any ideas.

“Well sometimes, you can’t change, and you can’t choose. And sometimes it seems that you gain less than you lose...now we’ve got holes in our hearts, we’ve got holes in our lives, well we’ve got holes, we’ve got holes, but we carry on…” Emily swings her legs, giggling a little bit in the face of her sadness as she remembers all three of them singing with them, stamping their feet as loud as they could as they tried to keep up.

As Marlene walked, she realized Emily could be anywhere. Ah shit. Where would she be.. Marlene held down a groan. This was all because of the British. Maybe if Emily and her never spoke, this wouldn’t have happened. Fuck fake memories.

Emily rests her head on one of the wooden spokes, letting a breath out. Level and even, she felt dizzy with memories - could she make it back home? Maybe if she contacted Soltau again they’d help her out. They’d offered last time. Even if Berlin was in disarray she could raise it from the ashes again.

Then, it clicked. Turning around, she walked the other direction. She walked a bit quicker, hoping Emily was near. Having spotted her, she grinned, before it faded. She was probably still pissed. “Emily?”

Emily pretended not to hear - she actually half-didn't hear, so it was far easier than it might have been. She looks left, and right, but never behind, and she felt suspended in the air, seeing Lucia and Friedrich either side of her she squeezes their hands, feeling nothing but wood the hallucination fades, and she keeps her head rested on the spoke as if she were asleep.

Marlene sighed and hesitantly took a few steps closer. “Em, c’mon..”

"I need some time to myself," Emily mutters, looking out at the distance, at the building. Maybe she should take up that offer, she thought, or go to Soltau at least. It would be closer to home, or as close as she could get. She starts quietly singing again, mostly to herself. "Well sometimes, you can’t change, and you can’t choose. And sometimes it seems that you gain less than you lose...now we’ve got holes in our hearts, we’ve got holes in our lives, well we’ve got holes, we’ve got holes, but we carry on…”

“I know how you’re feeling. Maybe not completely, because you’ve gone through worse, but I lost my family too. I’m living somewhere completely different. You aren’t the only person going through a rough time, Emily. Stop acting like it. The thing is that we’ve gone through it together. We’ve gone through hell and back. That’s the only way we face problems. Now you’re all distant. You don’t trust me anymore and it hurts, Emily, it hurts. A lot.”

Because that was really supposed to make her feel any better, wasn't it? Calling her selfish without saying it. "You know Mar, if you're going to say shit about me just fucking say it! Scream and yell, throw a tantrum. Whatever the fuck you want. Hit me if you fucking want. Tell me you want me to fuck off if you want to. Just don't try to make me feel any different with it, because it's not fucking working." Emily rolls her eyes, landing neatly on the other side of the fence and walking. She's going to Soltau, and that made her decision easier.

Marlene closed her eyes and shook her head. When she spoke again, her voice was much softer. “Where’s the girl I called my sister, Emily? Where’s the woman I grew to love?”

Emily's already on the other side and she doesn't look back - it's only about half an hour to the base they'd set up without Chicago knowing. It's perfectly clear where she's going as she veers off to the left.

Marlene knew where she was going. She just didn’t bother going after her. “Maybe our love was something that wasn’t meant to be fought for.” She whispered, turning around and slowly walking away. She should go after Emily and try to change her mind, but when Emily had her mind set, nobody could change it.

Emily walked into the Soltau base and sat there, waiting for them to come out, sighing. Leaning back, she closed her eyes and waited. And then there was a voice she knew, one she most certainly didn't want to hear. One that wasn't German. Had she been set up? "Okay. Kyarah, this is the dirtiest trick yet."

Marlene just kept slowly walking, before coming to a stop. It felt wrong going after Emily, but it also felt wrong to just sit around and do nothing. Why does Emily have to be so hard to fucking understand? She ran a hand through her hair. What should I do? Keep walking or go back?

And then it happens, and Emily really couldn't even care. Not in the head...So, with the last of her energy she takes out her phone and writes "Yeah, we've got holes in our hearts but we carry on..." Then she presses send, before she adds, "I..." It's the last word she types.

She felt her pocket vibrate. Looking down, she grabbed her phone. What she read made her panic. Turning around, she ran all the way back to where she knew Emily would be. “Em? Where the hell are you?"

"Have fun trying," Kyarah leant against the wall, "but to be honest I'd advise you to not waste your breath."

Turning around, Marlene’s eyes narrowed. “What did you do?”

"If you were looking you wouldn't need to ask that question." Kyarah replies, indifferent. "So, if I were you, I'd look. However, I'm glad that I'm not you right now."

With a frown, she turned around, just to see a body on the floor. “Em.. Fuck.” She dropped next to the body on her knees.

Emily's phone is still in her hand, still on. It was obvious that the pressing of the send button had been split second. ("She said the wolf's just a puppy and the door's double locked, so why you gotta worry me for?")

Marlene was in shock. She couldn’t believe her eyes. No.. Emily wasn’t dead. She couldn’t be dead. “No, no, no..” Although she knew Emily was as good as dead, she just wanted this to be a nightmare. All of it.

It was rather obvious Marlene's conscience was right. The lure of home had just been too much for Emily. Her hair fell across her face, and she'd covered the red stain on her torso with her hands. It was easy to see the objection on her lips.

A lone tear fell down her cheek. She’d break soon. She knew it, yet she didn’t want that to happen. Emily would have wanted her to suck it up. “Why?” She asked quietly, looking up to Kyarah.

The way Kyarah responds is calm. "The road to power is paved with hypocrisy, and casualties. Never regret."

Marlene scoffed. “Easy for you to say. What if your little Dauntless boy toy died? What if something were to ‘accidentally’ happen to him? How would you feel? Happy and overjoyed?”

"Fortunately, I don't think I'll ever be in that situation," Kyarah runs her hand through her hair, bored. Wesley was here somewhere, anyway.

Marlene shook her head. “You’re a pain in the ass, you bitch. I hope you know that?” She spat, her hand moving towards her back pocket, where her gun was. She was always prepared.

There Wesley was, somewhere behind Marlene. Her eyes flicked up to him meaningfully.

Marlene pulled out the gun and looked down at it. She knew there was no way out. It was either die honorably or die as a coward. One way would make Emily proud, the other would not. With her other hand, she pulled out her phone.

Kyarah looked contemplative, but not afraid, almost as if she knew.

Biting her lower lip, she sent a message to one of the members she knew well and trusted. Thomas. You’re in charge. Don’t disappoint me. Afterwards, she dropped her phone.

One message from Emily from earlier had come through. //Hey. You know I don't hate you, right? I...I love you. Never forget. <3 Emmie xx//

She furrowed her eyebrows, a familiar ringtone blaring. Kneeling down, she picked her phone up and read the message. Reading it, she bit her lower lip and closed her eyes. If I had received this earlier, everything would have surely been different. Locking her phone again, she stood up and faced Kyarah.

Kyarah appears to be waiting, seeing Wesley over Marlene's shoulder she smiles. Maybe they'd get the future they'd dreamed of, now.

“You know.. If I can’t have the happiness I dreamt of, neither can you.” She whispered, shaking her head. Raising the gun, she aimed at Kyarah’s lower region. Might as well fuck up their sex life. A maniac grin appeared on her lips as she pulled on the trigger.

Kyarah moved sideways instinctively, considering Wesley was just, well, there, Kyarah decided to do it herself, again, (how boring) and took the shot.

Marlene didn’t even blink and aimed at Kyarah, shooting. She’d take her chances.

Crap, that was the arm. Ouch.

Marlene aimed at Kyarah’s chest, sending two more bullets before it all ended.

The first grazed her side, and she winced, the second one making it into her left chest. "Fuck,"

A smile found her lips. “Payback, darling.”

"Oh, fuck off," she says, shooting again.

She was close to death, and to be honest, she was glad. She’d be with her family, as well as Emily. Although she had lost the battle here, it was never truly hers. Now, it was on Thomas’ hands. “Don’t worry about me… I’ll be…” She winced, “fucking son enough.” She couldn’t help but say it, a small victorious smile on her lips as she fell limp.

Kyarah pulled the bullet out, wincing. "Shit, that hurts."

Wesley chuckled, walking over. “Everything hurts.” He swiftly picked her up bridal style.